Bleh

I'm sorry I haven't posted again. Not having a computer I can use is killing my ability to post when coupled with the fact that I am getting home late most days now. And its going to get more busy when I get the database sent to me, because then data entry will start up again . . . and the editing of the database . . . and making a new one for stool study . . . it's just going to be a lot of work. Which is good, because Hannah works so much its insane, and I'm feeling like I'm slacking or something, but I guess you get to work that hard when you're a doctor. 

Anyway, what I'm getting at is that, though I don't think that any of you took it seriously, I sure haven't seen any signs that anyone did, but four posts a week is unsustainable. In fact, any amount of required posts is impossible at present. So the favor game I made up has to die. If you actually want to collect, all favors gained till now still stand, but I can't continue. Its not possible.

So anyway, there have been lots of stuff happening the last two weeks. We started enrolling newborn babies. I chased a chicken for forty minutes and it ended up stuck in a bush. Because I'm was having some trouble (very little, more like scraping by) buying enough food myself, my stipend was doubled. (I have NO FREAKING IDEA what I am going to do with that money.) Leslie left and came back from vacation. Random food buying and whatnot. The nurse for stool study who's "name" I forgot again's sister in law died, so we lost her for a day or two. I had massive abdominal pain at our overnight stay at Namandanje one week, and merely got a little sick the next week . . . Yeah I've decided that I'm in an abusive relationship with that place, I always end up sick or something when I go there, but anyway . . . I rode on top of the truck for half an hour, on Malawi roads. I met one of the people who runs the peace corps here. And lots of other random stuff that you could expect from me.

So you see, I'm alive. I'm fine. And the workload is only going to get bigger, so my posts will become less frequent. Actually this took to much time too, gotta go.

TTYL

---He who needs to pack the car for tomorrow now.

Sorry.

Well, its been quite a twelve days since I last posted. I don't have time to fill you in on everything yet, but I'll tell you why I've been absent, if only to assure you that I'm still alive. This month is approximately three months since the stool study started. Healthy babies get stool collected every three months. So EVERYONE is pooping now. And it only takes one stubborn kid with powerful sphincter muscles to keep us at the site forever. I've been sick, I think I'm finally over all of it, but I thought that a month ago too, when this freaking cold first hit me. And for some reason no matter what I do, nothing ever seems to time right so I can get to Icon cyber cafe in time to post. I'm working on it. Oh, and last week makes the fourth time I haven't posted enough, so there will be loads of favors. Yeah I think four is biting off more than I can chew. So anyways, I'm alive. I'm (Hopefully) healthy. 

TTYL

---He who now owes WAY too many people favors.

P.S. I'm desperate and this post delayed my sleep. So just this once I'm counting this little nothing of a post as one of my four this week.

Lazy day, Sick Sick Sick...

Ok this mac is giving me trouble...I'm gonna fix this post tomorrow, but now whenever I try to copy-paste my post it just goes below the page. I mean, blog entry post, little blue line, all my text. And when I publish with it there, nothing gets posted. Anyway, if you see this, sorry , but I don't have the energy to retype the whole thing.

I really need to learn how to slash through stuff no longer pertinent, anyone got a clue?

Today had been quite a lazy day. Joy (Male) and I have been up for a while, me for about 6 more hours than he, and we haven’t really done much productive work all day. Granted I’ve been trying to learn Access for the last hour, but I don’t count no progress as ‘productive work.’ Access is just confusing, and the manual she brought on the CD was junk. I mean, it has lots of great details and whatnot, but it sucks terribly as a tutorial. Thanks SO MUCH Mom for telling Hannah to NOT bring an access manual. Urgh. Anyway, the reason jay and I are stuck here instead of being out in the field is because we’re both recovering from sickness.

I got sick two weeks ago. It progressed from runny nose to sneezing to coughing to wheezing and all the way back to runny nose over two or three days. Then it stayed at runny nose, with occasional recurrences of coughing. Then Joy caught my sickness, and he’s been getting worse and worse until yesterday he broke out in a high fever, shortly after I was sent home early for having a high fever. Also, I have been having a recurrence of the dehydration type lightheadedness. If you recall, in a post about a month ago I talked about how I got so dizzy I couldn’t even stand? Well it never really went away. I have had very small bouts of dizziness every time I stand up since. I mean very small. But last Monday it started coming back heavily. So I made sure to eat and drink lots and tried to stave it off, but on Tuesday it got so bad I had to lay down, and I broke out in a fever so high even I could feel I had one. Or maybe the fever was the cause of the dizziness as well? Who knows? Who cares? All I know is that I’m running a very small fever now (.2 degrees) and I’m feeling loads better. And YES dad, I’m drinking lots of water.

Now because I’ve been kinda out of it the last few days, I cant supply any more for a normal post, so here’s a little more about MARAWI!!!

Malawians have a very interesting language. In Chichewa, all words, ALL words, end in vowels. This has caused me to be named by Malawians who can’t speak any English, Bilo. Kinda funny, at the Adventist hospital I got written in as Bilo Sharp. Hah. Also, there are very, very standardized greetings here. (Note: There are no spaces between some words because no pause is pronounced.) When you meet someone you say, “Muli Bwanji?” (Mu = You, Li = are, Bwanji = How) To which one responds, and I have suspicions that this would be the response even if your mother died, “Ndiri Bwino, Kayainu?” (Ndi = I, ri = is, Bwino = Fine, Kaya = and, Inu = You) To which one responds, you guessed it, “Ndiri Bwino.” I actually like to add Kayainu to the end of the second one, just to see if I can get a volley going. Now at this point some of the more observant ones of you are going, wait, Li and Ri are the same word, WTF? This ties in to how you pronounce Chichewa, where most L’s and R’s are interchangeable. I can’t articulate what it sounds like over the blog, but if you can try to merge an L sound with an R, that’s how most of the words here are pronounced. Malawi is an exception, the L is distinct, but Leslie likes to call it MARAWI anyway. (Yes it is caps for a reason. I can’t articulate how she sounds when she says is but it’s pretty funny, and caps is the closest I can get.) Moving on, if its early morning instead of, “Muli Bwanji,” one says “Mwadzuka Bwanji?” (Mwa = You, dzuka = rise, bwino = h…oh wait I already told you that one didn’t I?) And the response is, “Ndadzuka Bwino, Kayainu?” (Nda = We) I won’t insult your intelligence by supplying you with the second response. Now I’m sure that was shell shockingly different than the last one right? But it gets better. If it’s in the evening you say, “Mwaswela Bwanji?” (Swela = play.) Replace Mwa with Nda and I’m sure you can figure the responses out on your own; you’re big boys and girls right? So that is the entirety of the Malawian greetings. How are you, how did you rise (I think this one means did you sleep well), and how did you play (I theorize, going out on a limb here, it means did you have an enjoyable day). But should you ask a Malawian to describe Mwadzuka, they would just say, it’s the morning greeting. The meaning isn’t even important anymore. Which is why many Malawians have dropped the Bwino and Bwanji in the morning and evening greetings. “Mwadzuka?” “Ndadzuka, Kayainu?” “Ndadzuka.” In case you were wondering this equates to “You rise?” “We rise, and you?” “We rise.” Doesn’t make much sense, but I do find it REALLY amusing that if one were to go to say, a Malwian party, and greet all the guests you would (probably) use the same one every time. Isn’t that something? Thats it. Three standardized greetings. Anyone who even casually knows me knows that is EXCRUTIATING for a smartass like myself. I can't say, ARGH I'm doing terribly! Or anything else. The Malawians would just stare at you! So. Frustrating.

I don’t know much more Chichewa…both the Chichewa books are in someone else’s possession at the moment, so for now…


TTYL

---He who is glad the world has decided which way is up…again…

We Got robbed!

I woke up at 6 oclock today...three hours earlier than I should have...to the knocking of one of our guards on my window. After cursing him, his family, and all of the progeny he may ever procreate, or the progeny they may procreate, I rolled out of bed, put my pants on, and went outside. I then, half asleep, followed him to the Downhouse, our supply area, to find the bars bent.

I'll shorten the three hour ordeal into a paragraph or two for you guys. What was stolen: 200,000 kwatcha, (1250 dollars) some oil, and our printer. A guard was apparently ambushed ant tied up. The dog may or may not have been barking its head of at midnight, depending on whether you believe the landlord or his son. Right now though, we don't know exactly who stole the stuff, or where it is. Were the guards in on it? We don't know. It is strange that the robbers knew which house was empty, that the guards would not patrol, and where the servants quarters were, because they put the dog there. WHATEVER. I'll keep you posted if anything new comes up.

Oh, and because we ran out of some ingredients, we cant get the cmv for the ten percent chiponde, and we have to stop enrolling. Yay. That means all my frantic work over the last two weeks has been for NOTHING.

So anyway, heres my responces to your comments...

"Wonder if any of you noticed..."

Medium Bill - Its a pain getting UP with five hours of sleep. Not the dinner. Jeez.

Ulf - Actually the head cold refuses to leave. I still have a runny nose.

Rita - Glad you dont think I've lost my destructive touch. =)

Aggie - I would have loved to be in the states, as it was I felt really detached from it all.

"Classifying BABIEZ"

Kellye - Its ok, I knew you were slow for a long time. I'm real happy to hear that you had been reading it before though (Am I inferring that right?)

Ms Megonigal - COOL! You're reading this? AWESOME!!! You're the best btw, just so you know. Oh and Me and Billy? Do you think I'm Brian? Nonetheless, I'm not sure you're nerves would be able to take another year of "me and Billy."

Malawi Mom - Uhm...my mom taught me it was fun to decapitate small woodland creatures...is that terrible too?

Hannah is coming!"

Aunt Jo - I will never forget. In fact, I was very dissapointed when I realized it doesnt work o her anymore.

Kellye - Guess what Kellye, ITS OPPOSITE DAY! (My retort to "ay. To. Go.")

SO thats it for now, If I get more internet time I'll extend my responces.

TTYL

---He who is glad the computers WERE NOT in the downhouse.

Hannah is coming!

Hannah, a new doctor person is coming today. It will be interesting, because as Leslie put it, "We have the same conversations over and over, and it will be nice to have her here instead of having to role-play her." Really though, I'm kinda excited, because I've heard so many people talking about her (Many of them contradicting each other) and this will be the day we get to meet the mystery person!

Thing on the bugs of last night, I was recently told people eat them here...which is why we only found the wings this morning...

So here comes a post I've been meaning to make for a long time...What is it actually like to live in a third world country?

Well we have everything here that you have in a first world country. There are cars, air conditioning, planes, roads, government, police, computers, Etc. However, only the very rich have them. And the condition of the luxuries here is a far degree lower than it is in the states. The cars break down all the time, the computers aren't half as good as back home, the police don't have cars, roads are shitty, planes only arrive twice a week, and the government mildly corrupt (better than in previous administrations) and to a certain degree, ineffectual. We have only been in air conditioning once. And EVERYONE is walking or riding a bike. Or riding in one of those minibus deathtraps, if they can afford it. And this is in the cities, where everyone is sort of well off, by malawian standards. In the villages, people live like the 18th century or earlier. Starvation isn't something to bemoan, its just a part of everyday life. Water is pulled from pumps, and there is no good education, unless you pay for it. Compare this to the states where people can squander everything they are given (on a silver platter no less) and still have their god given right to a car and a roof over their heads. Its amazing how lucky we are, my readership and me, to be born in a country where everything is provided for, and you barely have to work to get such luxuries as we take for granted. I say this because I have seen children aged three or less hoeing their "gardens" (Fields) with a hoe that is bigger than them. In comparison most in first world countries just amble their way through life without a care in the world. Seriously, thank whatever deity you pray to, or to fortune if you like me, that you were so damn lucky to be born where you were, for nothing you have ever accomplished, no matter how hard you worked, would be possible here.

TTLY

---He who hopes Hannah has a sense of humor.

Classifying BABIEZ

Hey y’all. How have you been? You watched the election? Of course you did. Irrespective of your political affiliation, did the results surprise any of you? I’ll just let you in on a couple things from this end. Every one of the nurses exploded with joy when they heard, which is funny, considering that if they knew what he stood for; all the progressive things like gay rights and having government not regulate abortion, they would probably not have supported him. One of our med students, who I won’t name, actually cried when he/she heard the news. I didn’t really react, I was sure Obama was gonna win. Here’s another interesting tidbit. Kenya declared a national holiday when Barack won. They also started clearing the road to Obama’s grandma’s house, in anticipation of a visit by him. I’m not sure, but I don’t think it’s extremely likely (right now I’m stuck on 50-50) that Barack will pay a visit so someone (I think) he’s never seen before.

Anyway, lets shift the focus back onto a far bigger and more important issue, ME!

Note. It wasn’t the get together with the girls that was ‘a pain,’ it was only having 5 hours of sleep.

Let’s see let’s see. Tuesday night the azungus (Me Lelsie and Joy (Male) ) went to Maky’s to watch the election. We got to see the typical finishing speeches, including McCain’s pathetic, “The Mac is back!” I’m sorry but no one that old should try to refer to himself as ‘The Mac.’ We got kicked out around 11-ish, and we then went home and collapsed (Eleven is really late for us). We found out who won the election while driving to clinic. And Wednesday was a pretty typical day, except that I went back to the compound instead of going to Namandanje. Yaaaay! I got to enter LOTS of data. More on that later. So I got home and what do I do? Drive under the overhang that covers the cars. Which is unusual, considering my usual spot is more off to the side, but anyway…there was a chair on the top of the truck…and just so you know…chair legs VS net thing…net thing wins. After faceplanting the wheel in frustration, I pulled it off the car. I spent the next two hours trying to get in touch with Leslie, who had told me that I HAD to call her. I eventually did, turned out she left her phone in the car for a while. And lastly I went to Maky’s again, to get some nice ambiance while entering data, only to find that ambiance ruined by three grown women with spirits of pre-teen school girls ruining it by talking way too loud, way too much, way too fast, about way too little.

So that’s Wednesday…wonderful wasn’t it? Lesse, isn’t much to say about Thursday. I finished the pile of three hundred or so cards I’ve been working on for the last week…only to be depressed by the fact that the next pile of cards is just as big. BLEH. Victor and I picked up a car that just got finished in the shop…and shifted all the stuff out of the Land Rover (The usual stool study truck) into the newly fixed one. Then he drove the Rover to the shop. Yaaay. Oh, but things get interesting late at night. Now there had been TORRENTIAL downpours all day Thursday…a sign the hungry season is upon us…and when it rains the little bugs I mentioned crawl out of everywhere, and apparently they come out in proportion to how much it rains…so when it was dark outside and the lights were on we heard this smacking sound against our window…and it was a whole swarm of them smacking against our light outside, and some were hitting the window. Some found their way inside too…freaks…I don’t understand how these bugs survive…they basically emerge after a rain, exhaust themselves, and die after they have thoroughly exhausted themselves. Seriously, the ground underneath the lights looks like a battlefield with all the dying bugs or whatever you call pavement covered with dying bugs…(Personally I think it’s a joy!) One good thing though, any bugs that enter the house eventually exhaust themselves, and then the lizards (which I don’t mind) eat them! Woohoo! I don’t even have to clean up the bodies! Fan-freaking-tastic! So the war to keep our houses free from these pests has begun…I only hope I may take many of the bastards out in the process.

Quick note. The Net has been screwy since the torrential rains on Thursday. One thing I don't get. How is all the net out EXCEPT Google? WTF!?! Someone needs to explain how that works...

Moving on. Friday. Uhm…normal day? Not many kids…no defaulters…But I do have one question for you, my somewhat loyal viewership. Does it make me a bad person if I get my kicks off making kids cry? Let me give the context. Over the almost two months I’ve been here I have created five categories for kids I see at clinics. One: young kids, four to nine years of age. Pal around with them. Noogies go over well. Two: boring babies who give no reaction to anything you do. Ignore them. Three: Very, Very sick babies. Be very gentle, and pity them. Isn’t much else you can do, babies that are really malnourished have no energy to do anything. Four: FUN BABIES!!! Babies that are bright eyed, will play with you, smile, and actually have fun with an azungu! Wonderful, and play the hell out of them. It took me a while to realize that one of the pairs at today’s site were a type four, and I had loads of fun after I figured that out…but I digress…Type 5:…Crying babies. Babies that cry a lot, especially the ones that cry whenever I look at them. I’m talking I look: WAAAH! WAAAH! WAAAAH! I look away:...Silence…Antagonize these babies! Don’t do anything that is really mean, but look at them a lot, make faces, noises…anything to make them cry again! I guess it kinda annoys me that they just start crying whenever I look, so I’m trying to cure them of it…kinda a trial by fire…plus it kinda makes me laugh when they cry for no real reason…Does that make me a bad person?

TTYL

---He who is preparing for the battle tonight…it rained…

Wonder if any of you noticed...

It’s been a long couple-a days.

To start off, I’ve been getting progressively sicker since Friday. Before I cause any other heart attacks, it’s just a head cold. But it started off as that annoying mucus in the back of my throat, and now I’m coughing all the time. Or at least I was. I think I got over most of it today.

So anyway, my pathetic total card entry over the weekend was eighty. Twenty behind. Isn’t that grand? I entered forty yesterday, so I think I compensated.

And in other weekend news, it rained. A fair amount. I hate the rain. Even though it causes the sky to darken and this freaking place to (finally!!!) get cool. Why? Because when it rains these ant-fly things swarm out of the ground and fly straight towards all bright lights (Our house). So irritating.

Also, last Saturday when Joy (Male) and I were walking to Maky’s, we encountered some of the volunteers working at the orphanage next door. I won’t bore you with the details, but they invited us to take a visit. Joy had time to make the visit, I didn’t (Card entry) but when he was there he got us invited to a birthday dinner. It was at a nice Italian restaurant, and we drove them because they don’t have cars. It was pretty nice, there were four girls, ages 25-27, three from the UK and one from the US. It was pretty fun, we talked about Chiponde, England, Politics, Accents, whatever came up. We got to bed late though. That was a pain.

Speaking of pains, Monday morning this terrible horn player kept me up for half an hour! He sucked, and if I had found him I would have shoved his horn through his EYE for playing at four in the freaking morning!

Monday. Monday. What a stressful day for Leslie. Stool study was OK, but we stayed late, and because of the way we had been doing things, we kept Leslie late as well. And she had already been irritated because of 10 defaulters, kids that weren’t being fed, and other annoying things. Did I mention it was freaking hot outside? When we drove with the windows down it felt like a furnace. And when we got to Icon, the net café, we found out that the car we had been driving didn’t have a parking break. Have I ever mentioned the parking at Icon is on a hill? I didn’t? It is. And Icon was packed. We had to wait twenty minutes. It is near impossible to stress me out, but I’m surprised Leslie didn’t EXPLODE at this point. Everything had gone wrong Monday.

Tuesday starts off funny, and then gets boring real fast. Well, because of the parking break issue, we wanted to switch cars. So I get up, run over in time to get Victor as he’s coming in, and we completely unload and reload the truck. Then we drive to pick up Jennifer, which is what I am naming the awesome stool study nurse. Partway there, we notice a light isn’t going off on the dashboard. Turns out, the fan belt broke. By the time we got back the car was smoking. And then unload and reload the cars. What fun! This put us an hour behind schedule, which makes a big difference when you have to wait for a tyke to poop. Victor made up for it though, by driving really hella fast. I should know, I was leaning on a bag of flour and still got bruises from all the bumps. Once we got there everything went normally. Only one funny thing to mention, we are weighing kinds who have already been fed now, and this one kid shit all over the scale. It was great in a way, I just grabbed it in bag and there’s his stool. I think this might become a kinda last resort. The kid won’t poop? Leave him on the scale for a while. And if any of you were wondering (and I might have already said this) people DO lose bowel control when they get scared. I can’t count the number of kids that have peed on the scale and height board, and this poop incident just further proves it.

And that’s it for me…now let me look at those comments…

"A day at the court..."

Kathleen - It went well, the fine ended up being the equivalent of 20 bucks.

Rita - I thought I blow things up/lose them?

Bernie - Tell Elicia I'm feeding little kids like her peanut butter!

Aggie - I STILL havent had the chance to read all you wrote, I guess when (If) I get a computer I'll let you know my reaction then.

Liz - Haha. I didn't lose them.

Aunt Jo - I actually have a clip and I have only lost one key. A long Time ago.

"Guess what, I drove to make this post!"

Dad - OF COURSE I'm trying to kill you. I thought we had already been over this.

Mom - Getting stuff out is gonna be hard...I don't have constant computer access and thinks are kinda hectic here...

"Cards...Cards...CARDS!!!"

Aggie - Just a predicion here. Obama.

Malawi Mom - Hasn't the world always been orange?

Medium Bill - It rained. No hike.

Uncle D and Aunt J - RAAAAH I dont have any more time to respond I have to go crap!!! I'm glad to hear you're finally wading into technology though. =)

TTYL

---He who wonders if anyone noticed there were only three posts last week?

Cards...Cards...CARDS!!!!

As the title suggests, cards are filling up all my free time...actually I see orange wherever I look...maybe I'm starting to lose it...haha. But seriously, I've entered 50 so far and will probably enter 50-75 more before today ends. I've been to Macky's today, and we might go for a hike. Then more cards. Cards. Cardies. Hah...

Oh and I am still allowed to drive, as it is one of the things that every worker here needs to be able to do. Not that I'm jumping on it, I still hate driving. But when I have to I am able to.

This post isn't gonna be long, I couldn't prepare ahead of time, and there isn't much to say about today. So I can't fit in much of an about Malawi, but heres a little one.

You might think that africa is full of wildlife, but you'd be dead wrong. Other than little lizards, there is barely any wildlife here. Outside of preserves of course. Why is that? All of the natives eat all the animals. In fact there are only two animals that remain now. One, Monkeys. Why? They are too smart to get themselves eaten. (Made me laugh, Monkeys:1 People:0) The other animals are hippos. And that is just because...well hippos are big sunsaguns. You make one mad and you might be taken out of the gene pool. And that is todays quick posty.

TTLY

---He who is REALLY tired of cards