Somtimes its gonna be real hard to make a title...

A couple quick things, taking some advice, I'll be devoting my Sunday posts to answering questions commented by you all. Also, Joy is a MAN. I've mentioned it a couple times but I probably shouldn't have been so discreet. NONE of the names in my blogs are real. I was told that's not kosher after someone saw their name in my blog. So "Joy," jokingly said that I could call him that, and if you know me, you'll know what my reaction to something like that will be. He liked being confused with a girl though, ("What!?") thanks Nin! Oh, and defaulters are moms who for whatever reason, stop coming to clinic. This can really mess up the baby if he doesn't get help, and will mess up our data gathering. (Something witch will not only mess up the baby, but will retard the effort to learn more about malnutrition)

So anywaaaaays, we left for the typical site...Gerald is learning fine...yadda yadda yadda...nothing much to say on that. However, at Wednesday's site we were literally swarmed with little girls watching us. I had a very good time messing with this little Muslim girl by dangling a little peice of string in her face, she was shy, and eventually pulled her head scarf thing off in an effort to hide her face. =) Then this old guy came up and was asking for us to give him Chiponde... "Brother! Brother! The hunger! Give me one!" Really trying to make you feel for the guy...too bad if we obliged Gerald would lose his job and I'd be shipped home. Seriously, its not as if I enjoyed turning him away, but we're here to feed starving children, not pitiful old men. (Who by the way was not starving, I've seen oodles of starving people recently, go figure, and he was neither bloated nor emaciated.) I'll explaain more about beggars at a later time, but suffice it to say we eventually got him to leave. Also, eventually their most of the gaggle left, and there were two girls hanging around, and we pretty much had a good time, despite the language barrier. At one point, I let them listen to some of my music, (If you don't know, I listen to alt. Rock, and everyone here listens to reggae) and one of them ended up listening for a good hour or so. It would have been perfect if right before we left she hadn't asked for money.

And then we rode to Namandanje...let me see if I can remember the points I wanted to talk about...I talked at length to one of the cooks, at least in broken Engrish. I apparently HAVE to go see his home village ans see the sights there. We also had another huge dinner, of which I had 5 bowls of soup. And I forget everything else.

Woke up real early today for a reason I will spare you. Wandered around for an hour. Eventually we left for church. Now in this church I had an epiphany, but not a religious one, a philosopical one. Be patient with my explanation please, and also with the clarifications so I don't offend anyone.

No matter how much we advance technology, no matter how much we fill our lives with recreation, no matter how much we fill our lives with what we want and need, life will never become more beautiful, and humanity will never become even one iota happier. How did this epiphany strike me, and how did I reason through it? Well it all needs to start with my description of the church.

The church had concrete on the floor, aged, whatever had been painted on it was cracked, and in some instances the concrete itself was gouged. The pews were made of small wooden benches, none of which are tacked to the floor, without any kneelers in sight. The concrete floor is where you kneel. The statue of Jesus is a little head heavy, disproportionite. The "stained glass" was simply colored glass, or maybe plastic, in the shape of stars. The stations of the cross were small pitcures in plain frames nailed into the wall. The paintings of Jesus and his disciples above the altar are simple, and not very well done, as if a very inexperienced painter had been hired, and could only muster the traditional garb and halos, and otherwise made everything look as if a middle schooler had painted it. Birds have taken up nest in the rafters. There are no missaletes. No choir. No fancy ornamentation of any kind...and yet...

Father holds mass every day, so obviously most come on Sunday, and few are to be found on the weekdays. I could tell though, from my vantage point at the back of the church, that this was a very holy and sacred place for those attending, despite all of its apparent design flaws. To these people this is a very important place they hold close to their hearts. And yet, if you take your average American, or anyone from a first world country, I can guarantee, regardless of how much they may protest, that something along the lines of, "this is so run down" will cross their minds.

How does this pertain to my epiphany? Well think of it this way, in the words of the great sage Lao-tsu:
When people see some things as beautiful,
other things become ugly.
When people see some things as good,
other things become bad.

Being and non-being create each other.
Difficult and easy support each other.
Long and short define each other.
High and low depend on each other.
Before and after follow each other.

So how we look at the world is dependent upon where we are coming from. Someone is "rich" in Malawi if they own a bike. Someone is "rich" in the states if they can get a new car every year. We define unbearable in the states as a 2 hour wait in traffic. In Malawi it isn't unbearable until you are starving. Here, in the compound actually, there is a little boy named Luca, who spent a good 20 minutes, maybe longer, (I left before he finished) entertaining himself and his sister by pulling her around in an empty cardboard box. In the states I hear kids whining about not getting this cell phone or this newest game or whatever else they want. Here in Malawi, where they define their year into the rainy season and the "hungry season," most people are friendly and welcoming. In the states there is an entire culture based on feeling bad about yourself causing yourself unnecessary pain. (Refer to post script for disclaimer)

I know I tend to ramble but is the picture I'm trying to paint becoming clear? No matter what, we humans will find things to enjoy, things to take pleasure in, and things to complain about. Its all in the perspective, and when something becomes [insert adjective here] it needs something else to make its counterpart, and to define it. It just turns out,no matter what state our lives are in, be it poverty or affluence, in one's mind you will create a spectrum of good to bad, with the worst thing that's ever happened to you on one end and the best on the other. So no matter what, people will find things to enjoy and things to bemoan.

I guess the main thing I'm trying to get at is that for a people to be truly happy, we need to move beyond possessions and other worldly things...oh god that came out wrong...I would be the last person to ever say that I would get rid of my computer, PSP, books, uhm...what I'm trying to say is that by defining your happiness by a dependence on something other than your own outlook on life, your own ability to look on the brighter side of everything is in the end going to be futile, because, to reiterate, to make something good, something else must become bad. And in fact, at the other end of the spectrum, labeling possessions and the like as always "evil" or "corrupting" you are again counterproductive, as then you can only be happy when they are absent. Plus, who wants to tell themselves that wanting to go buy something you like is wrong?

...

...

...

Did that make sense? Sorry, but I'm not so good at vocalizing my deeper thoughts. I usually restate my thoughts and beat the dead horse into ectoplasm before I finish rambling, and even then I usually don't they the point across.

So anyway...on a more normal note. It was a long day. Very long. I need to got to bed now.

Nite.

TTYL
---He who now knows the importance of fiber

P.S.

Note: This post script is included because casual statements from me have alienated too many people too many times, If nothing previously offended you, I would urge you not to read this, as it will be a veritable waste of your time.

Everything stated in this post is a generalization. There are plenty of people in the US with good outlooks on life, who moods aren't swayed easily into the more depressing side of things, many who don't care about money at all, and there are many kids who don't throw tantrums over little have-nots. Conversely there are plenty of Malawians who wallow in their own pity. I'm just speaking in a broad generalization.

Also, I have many friends, who have at some point in their lives done things that some would classify as "emo". In fact, I would challenge anyone to say that they have never dwelled on their own misery at some point in their life. I am merely referring to the sect of people who feel the urge, though they have more than they could ever need, to make a spectacle of themselves in an attempt to get attention or fit a fad. I have nothing but sympathy for those who may feel the need to cause themselves one kind of pain to block out another. To put myself a little (more) out here, at one of the low points in my life, though my life has been nothing but rosy compared to...anything, was compelled to hit something (punching bag) until I caused some damage to my hands. To clarify, I was doing this because the pain game me something to focus on, a distraction, if you will. There were probably better ways to cope, and I can tell you in retrospect that the "reason" I did such a thing was completely insignifigant. But it gave me perspective. And anyone who is too quick to judge should seriously try to understand where they (those with a real reason) are coming from.
End Disclaimer.
P.S.S.
I would much appreciate it if everyone who knows the "reason" would kindly keep it to themselves. I was pondering whether or not to put my example in this post for a while and left the cause out for a reason. Thank you. (And if you do insist on opening your trap, I know where everyone who knows the "reason" lives.)
End Threat
End Post.